君と僕の関係
[Kimi to Boku no Kankei]
By Bayou
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Part 8
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Takashi was sitting alone in the dark; the only light was coming from the muted TV in front of him. There were several cans of beer scattered recklessly on the low table and the floor, while he was holding a half drank can in his hand.
He was supposed to be drunk by now, but his mind was perfectly clear. People would realize what they lost when it was already gone. He regretted letting Shogo go few hours ago. He regretted saying that they were only a mere fuck buddy. He regretted taking him for granted for years.
They've been together for almost all their life. Shogo was the only best friend he had. Shogo was also the only one who could put up with his selfishness and still stood by him in every circumstances. It was Takashi who forced himself at Shogo and it was almost a rape at the first time they had sex together. Takashi was pushy, harsh, careless, and inexperienced. Shogo was crying in pain and bleeding at the first time he penetrated him. When he noticed how hurt Shogo was, he was crying too. But Shogo soothed him by saying it was ok and told him to continue.
And how could he forget how much Shogo tolerated his arrogance and ignorant behavior. They were having fights over silly things, yet, it never last long. Since it was always cleared up easily, Takashi couldn't remember what they were fighting for. And now, they really had a fight over serious matter and he didn't think Shogo would forgive him that easily.
When did it start like this?
When did he start sleeping with people other than Shogo?
Takashi lost his virginity with Shogo and realized that he never slept with another person, yet, a woman. Again, it was all started with curiosity and partly accident. He was in his first year working in the company when one of the female colleagues seduced him in one of the drinking party. Heavily drunk, he ended fucking her in some cheap love hotel.
He saw so many blue films and realized that female bodies are different with male. But experiencing it himself was way different than seeing it through a TV. He couldn't forget the sensation; she's so soft and fragile in his touch, and looked vulnerable. Since then, he had his personal attraction toward female bodies.
At that point, he realized that he was bi. He loved Shogo, and realized that he couldn't love anyone but Shogo. Not even a woman with a nice body and attitude could ever replace Shogo's place in his heart. For Takashi, fucking a woman was only to satisfy his body needs. That was the only justification he had. He knew it was wrong, but his body needs came first than Shogo's feelings. At certain times, he accepted the offer from female colleague and slept with her secretly. To reduce his guilt, he was never be the one who invited them first. The invitation always came from the other party.
The rain poured heavily outside. The strong wind made the window rattled quite fiercely. He chugged down his beer can until the last drip and threw the empty can to anywhere and a clang sound resounding in the quiet room.
"Geez, how come you make a mess in our flat like this?"
He heard Shogo scolded him. And there he was, standing right in front of him, bending a little with both arms on his hip and pouted invisibly with his usual expressionless face of him.
Takashi smiled, he was happy that Shogo came back for him. He must have had forgiven him to come back this soon...
"Sho-chan..." he reached out toward Shogo, but the tall man's body evaporated in the thin air like a mist.
Takashi's hand balled into a fist and he pressed his forehead with it, he was on the verge of tears.
"Damn it!" he cursed.
What should he do?
He never used the 'sorry' words for so long when fighting with Shogo. And now, at the crucial moment, he still couldn't say it. He forgot how it like was to apologize properly since he was always on the winning side. Though 'sorry' was a simple word, it was unbelievably hard to say.
"...ry..."
"...sorry..."
"I'm sorry..."
He curled his body like a ball in the sofa, and chanted the words countlessly like a spell.
But sorry would mean nothing if it wasn't said to the other person. The question was; could he say it properly at Shogo?
To tell him that he was sorry and asked him to come back to him.
His only obstacle was his overly high self-pride.
And if he recalled what Kyou had said to him so many times; "Just eat your own pride if you can put soyu on it. You won't gain anything if you hold onto your pride too much. You'll loose everything, instead."
When Takashi thought of it all over again; Kyou was right...
The next day, Shogo's fever had gotten worse. Kyou pleaded Maou to call a house doctor to treat Shogo, and he said he'd pay the doctor's bill. Which—of course—rejected by Maou who said that he'd be the one who pay the bill. But Shogo didn't want to trouble both of them, so he said he'd pay for the bill. The three of them argued who'd pay the bill until Kyou gave up and let Maou and Shogo continued the argument while he had to go to campus. Kyou was at his crucial moment where he had to do his final task to graduate from college. He just couldn't skip his meeting with his hard-to-find guidance counselor by prolonging the silly argument.
After seeing Kyou off, Maou returned to the bedroom.
"You shouldn't call a house doctor, Mochidzuki-san," Shogo said, "It isn't necessary, I'm fine, really. After resting for a while, I'll be as good as new."
"Are you sure about that?" Maou asked with a disbelief look, "You look white as a paper, and your fever increasing just a while ago."
"I'm fine," Shogo tried to convince the other man.
Maou observing Shogo for a brief moment, "Fine, we'll check on your temperature once again," Maou took the thermometer from the drawer, "If your fever went down just a little, I'll cancel the doctor."
Reluctantly, Shogo nodded. Maou put the digital thermometer in Shogo's ear, it bleeped, and he checked it out. Maou was surprised seeing he was burning up to 39 degree. Shogo couldn't refuse anymore when Maou really called the doctor to come and examined him.
The doctor came a little while later; he examined Shogo and wrote a prescription for him. "It was just because he got himself wet in the rain for quite a long time, and he's all stressed up for some reasons. Just let him rest properly and please maintain the healthy meal for him, also don't forget the medicine. A strong young man like him will be healthy in no time," said the doctor to Maou before he left.
Maou was insisting to pay the doctor, and Shogo finally surrender. But he persisted to pay for the medicines, and Maou agreed.
"You're such a nice man, Mochidzuki-san," Shogo said.
Maou looked bashful at the compliment; he didn't seem to believe of what he said.
"I'm not."
"Yes you are," Shogo said, "I'm just a stranger to you, and yet, you let me stay here and even pay for my doctor bill."
"I am?" he looked confused, "I don't think..." he paused, "Ah... I see. It was all because of him."
Maou smiled so tenderly, his face clearly said he was in love.
"Kyou, isn't it?" Shogo asked.
"Yes. That boy changed my entire life."
"You love him, don't you?"
"Very much."
"But... what if one day he betrayed you?"
Maou's face stiffened at the question.
"What do you mean?"
"What if one day he slept with other people? He was originally a virgin before he dated you, wasn't he?"
Shogo maintained his eye contact at Maou, who stared dagger right back at him.
"No he won't," Maou answered without a trace of doubt in his voice.
"How do you know for sure? You guys aren't together 24/7. What if one day he decided to sleep with other person, a woman maybe?"
Maou crossed his eyebrow; he seemed to notice where this questions lead.
"Shinonome-san... is he..." Maou seemed reluctant for a moment, "Your partner," he repeated, "is he cheating on you?"
That sentence struck him like lightning. Shogo hung his head and closed his eyes. They were burning inside his close lids; the tears were threatening to come.
"Yes."
[To be continued]
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