悪魔は僕の部屋の中に
[Akuma wa Boku no Heya no Naka ni]
By Bayou
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Part 11
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He returned after 15 minutes and already putting on his briefs. Mochidzuki was still lying unmoved on the bed, curled like a cat and hugging his knees.
Kyou sat on the bed and touched Mochidzuki's arm made him flinched in surprise and tightening his hug on his knees.
Seeing him locking himself away like that saddened Kyou, he pulled the sheets and covered the unmoved naked body.
"Mochidzuki-san, was there something wrong?" he opened a conversation after a long silent.
Mochidzuki shook his head.
"Does this have any relation with your nightmares?"
Mochidzuki cringed hearing that.
"What do you know about my nightmares?"
"Nothing much, actually," Kyou admitted, "But I know that you're shifting in your sleep restlessly and mumbling something like "let me go" or "don't"."
"....."
Another long silent.
"Mochidzuki-san... I'm sorry if I hurt you..." Kyou apologized.
The sheet rustled, Mochidzuki was moving nervously inside it, feeling uneasy.
"It's not your fault..." he said in very soft tone that barely heard, "They said I have hapthophobia."
"Hapopo—what?"
"Hapthophobia. It's a phobia for the fear of touch. I don't like anyone to touch me."
"But you’re having sex with me..."
"That's the other thing. Other than sex, I just don't like people touching my body..."
Even though Kyou thought it was weird, he didn't contradict it.
Then the story flowed by itself out of Mochidzuki's mouth.
He was raised knowing that he was a mistress' son. Not enough of being just an illegitimate child, he was also a child of one of the most powerful Yakuza leader. Moreover, his grandparents from his mother's side refused his existence and severed all ties between him and his mother, right after knowing that their daughter was being a Yakuza's mistress. His existence was hidden for years until the time his mother passed away and he was taken into the Yakuza family.
He was only eleven at that time...
The large house of his new family felt so cold even though there were so many people walked in and out. His father was always busy with his business and his clans, and his stepmother acted like he wasn't even there and focus only to his own son—the successor of the family. The rest of the clan members just didn't really care about their leader’s affairs; so they practically ignored him also.
But having a pretty face, smart brain, talented in art and also business, started to make him easily recognizable in the family, even his father slowly acknowledged him. He thought his life was going to be a little bit better, until the night of his 16th summer... where he was kidnapped and gang raped.
The one who initiated it was his older half-brother who was jealous of his talent.
He was found three days later in an abandoned warehouse by the bay, owned by his family. He was left tied up naked, dehydrated, starved, raped, burned, and beaten half to death. They used malicious ways to torture him; knives, razor blades, cigarettes, sex toys, bondage and S&M tools, even baseball bat and logs. He got severe concussions, both arms and legs were broken, fractured most of his ribs—some were broken too, there were also bruises, cuts, burns, and rope marks all over his body, and he almost lost the hearing of his left ear. For the jackpot, he was also being in a coma for half a year.
When he woke up, he was a completely different person. Physical wounds could heal with medical treatment. The scars were almost gone as the time passed and some with plastic surgery—though the deep one couldn't be gone completely. But just like the permanent deep scar on his skin, the wounds in his heart could never heal. Before the incident, he was a warm child with a bright smile on his face. But after, he was still smiling a lot, but his eyes never followed his smile, and he seemed distant with other people.
He hated to be touched, yet he carved for men's sex. It was a psychological disorder that was left subsequent to the incident. Except for kisses, his sex partners were always forbade touching him, the only thing that was connected was their lower part. Or he loved to tie up his sex partners to prevent them touching him.
His grudge, however, were paid not long after he woke up from his coma. Using his pretty face and sex to attracted men and lured them in, he used them as his vengeance tools. With sweet talk and a little push, he captured several underlings of the Yakuza family to get the guys who raped him to their doomed for their sins; they were all found drowned in Tokyo bay with bodies beaten into pulp.
And to shut the mouth of the men whom he used for revenge; he sent them all to jail for sexual harassment to a minor, with semen proved inside his body. Well, who would've thought that a pretty, innocent looking, underage boy, that came to the police reporting he was being raped again, was actually the one who plotted the murder of five men and drowned them in Tokyo bay?
The secret of the murder was kept in silence forever, because Mochidzuki knew if those men reported him as the plotter of the murder, they only would double their sentence for murders, while the boy could walk free with people's sympathy showering over him for being a rape victim and falsely accused.
Mochidzuki also got his older step brother wrapped around his little finger and being his slave because he threatened him that he would thrown the murder accusation to him, with the reason of the abuse-rape plotter killed his subordinates because he didn't want the scandal emerged to the surface.
After his revenged, he left his Yakuza family and took his mother's maiden name and lived by himself by leeching his half-brother's fortune to make a living of himself.
"I hate to be touched because it reminds me how they tortured me, blow after blow. And I hated to be topped because it also reminds me how they laid me on the floor and raped me over and over again. I can't get rid of that evil silhouette out of my mind."
That kind of world seemed too distant for Kyou.
He lived in a perfectly normal life with normal family in a normal neighborhood. Never once in his life that he ever heard such story came from someone's real life.
He's so used to live so normal, he took it for granted. Never realized, that it was so precious to have such a perfect life in an imperfection itself. Even though his family was underprivileged; he had such a caring father, a loving mother, an affectionate older sister, and three cute little brothers. It was an ideal life and a wonderful world for him.
He did notice some faint scars on Mochidzuki's body, but never really thought the real cause of it. He thought it was normal for a boy to have a scar or two, since he had a long scar on the side of his upper left thigh caused by falling off the tree when he was 10, it needed 25 stitches to patch the wounded flesh.
Realizing how lucky he was and how Mochidzuki had gone through a hard life, his eyes brimmed with tears that burst out in huge droplets. His heart was aching to think that such a cruel thing had happened to the other man. He covered his eyes with his arm and sobbing hard.
"Why are you crying?" Mochidzuki asked, feeling confused.
"I'm crying for your share! Cuz' your tears have dried up a long time ago!" Kyou said, trying to reason things up even though it sounded so silly.
"You cry for a guy like me? I'm cruel and have killed some men, you know?"
"You're just unfortunate! And even though killing is bad, those guys deserved to be punished for their sins!" said Kyou between his sobs. His tears and snots started dripping off his lips and chin.
"I also sent those who helped me killed them into jail."
"It was their fault to lay their hands on a minor!"
"But I was the one who seduced them first..."
"Well, they should've restrained themselves more!" Kyou raised his voice, which was over pitched due to his overflowing emotion.
Mochidzuki laughed, but without realizing it, tears dripping down to his cheeks.
"Look at you, a big guy like you are crying. Your face look ridiculous," his voice wavered as he reached out to Kyou and wiped his tears off his face.
Kyou's face indeed looked silly filled with tears and snot, flushed, and his eyes were red and getting swollen. He sniffed aloud, "You're crying too..." he said.
Mochidzuki's eyes widened and he touched his tears on his face, stared at them in disbelief.
Kyou reached out to Mochidzuki carefully, rubbing his thumb on his corner eye; made the smaller man jerked a little but didn't try to avoided the touch.
"You're ok with this?" Kyou asked, seeing Mochidzuki trembled but didn't move away.
Mochidzuki nodded firmly.
"If you don't mind my touch, I can try to help curing your phobia, Mochidzuki-san."
Mochidzuki closed his eyes and rubbed his face on Kyou's palm. It felt so good even though his body was still refusing the sensation under his trauma.
"Do you have any idea what you're talking about?" Mochidzuki opened his eyes and glanced at Kyou. "I'm the one who's forcing my sex to you, yet, you want to help me?"
Without notice, Kyou's hand moved to the back of Mochidzuki's neck and took his body into his embrace. Mochidzuki's arms guarded on his chest and there were a little push caused by instinctively resistance from his body.
"I'm the 'Yes Man', remember? All you have to do is just ask me to, and I won't refuse."
Mochidzuki's resistance stopped by the words.
His sob was getting harder and he was heaving to catch some breaths between it. But Kyou's arms was so calming and comfortable that his shoulder gradually relaxed as he stretched out his arms onto Kyou's back and held him back.
"You're such a nice guy, Kyou... I'm sorry that I put you into this in the first place."
Kyou's heart skipped a beat, this was the first time Mochidzuki ever called him by his name, and the first time he apologized too. There were bubbles running up in his stomach to his chest, it tingled him from inside. His heart pounded twice faster than normal.
This was it, wasn't it? The day when Mochidzuki surrender and apologize to him. But none of them would matter now. It wasn't about having him apologized, it was about capturing his heart completely.
He was happy and confused in the same time.
Should he tell him?
Should he voice out his feelings for him?
I love you.
I love you so much, that it hurts and kills me slowly inside out...
But Kyou was afraid that those words could ruin everything. Sex is one thing, it was like a necessity for Mochidzuki, but having a lover's relationship was another thing. He was afraid that Mochidzuki would refuse and kicked him out and cut him out of his life if he knew he was falling in love with him. So he swallowed his own words that made his stomach heavy with the burden.
With Mochidzuki was still in his arms with face hidden on his chest, Kyou mouthed out "I love you" wordlessly, and hold the shivered body tightly.
[To be continued]
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