悪魔は僕の部屋の中に
[Akuma wa Boku no Heya no Naka ni]
By Bayou
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Part 12
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Kyou decided to visit Mochidzuki everyday ever since the incident, no matter he was called or not. And each time, he gave Mochidzuki a warm hug on the entrance way, stroke his hair, and kissed his forehead.
At first, Mochidzuki freaked and tackled all of his touches. But then he realized that Kyou had always touched him gently. And when he winched and told him to stop, he stopped. Detecting no ill intention from him, Mochidzuki started to notice that the touches didn’t actually scare him in the slightest; instead, it washed away the fear off his head. Little by little, he gradually accustomed by it and rarely winched anymore.
Somewhat the phobia treatment was also included sleeping together. Kyou persistently crawled into Mochidzuki's bed and slept by his side, and each time, their distance was decreasing until Mochidzuki could actually slept peacefully in Kyou’s arms.
And the nightmares were gone.
Kyou treated Mochidzuki like a princess and took care of him very gently. Though he persisted to sleep with him in the same bed, he refused to have sex. Every time Mochidzuki started to initiate the foreplay for sex, Kyou always pushed him away gently.
"We won't have sex until you think that it isn’t a way to escape from your pain," he said.
Those words shook Mochidzuki. He didn’t think that Kyou could read him that deep.
Indeed, Mochidzuki had always called Kyou to have sex to make him forget about his pain, about his past. By being absorbed into pleasure, he could forget the pain.
But strangely, with Kyou, it didn't work as he planned it to be. The after effect only doubled his guilt since he forced him into sex—even though later, eventually Kyou was willing to do it on his own; it didn' change the fact that he blackmailed him to it.
Kyou's gentleness increased his guilt more and more. He did want to repay his kindness; yet, he didn't have anything else but money and couldn’t think of anything else. So he started to buy expensive things for Kyou, like wristwatch, jacket, shirt, jeans, shoes, etc. However, each time he bought expensive things for him, Kyou just smiled and refused the gifts, he asked him to return it all to the store where he bought it.
He was too kindhearted made the whole thing was too good to be true.
In the end, he decided to free Kyou from his grasp. He said that he wouldn't blackmail Kyou by threatening his family anymore, so he'd free to go. And again, the boy just smiled and stroked his face after saying thank you.
It only confused Mochidzuki more and more.
What does he want?
What does he expect?
Why is he still here with me?
Being with Kyou hurt.
So, before his feeling went too deep, before it's over at one point, and before it harmed him severely because of it. Everything had to stop! Mochidzuki had to do something to prevent him getting hurt again.
"I don't need you anymore. So don't bother to come here again."
Mochidzuki said one day, standing with his arms crossed and leaning on the wall when Kyou was barely pulled off his shoes on the entrance way. He was just come after his last class that day ended.
As he expected, Kyou's eyes widened full of surprise; yet, he still acted calm and smiled.
He hated that.
It would've been better if he started to yelled at him and asking, "why?!", so he could break it off cleanly without feeling guiltier than this.
"You refused to have sex with me, and it's so frustrating," Machidzuki said, answering the invisible 'why' that never asked.
"Well, I do think without sex, I'm not so useful to you, huh?" Kyou said.
"Yeah," Mochidzuki said coldly, "Besides, my phobia is getting better, thanks to you."
"Good for you, then." Kyou scratched the back of his neck and smiled wryly, "Somewhat I knew that this would come sooner or later."
His chest hurt, it was like someone was squeezing it hard, milking his feeling out of it mercilessly. It really hurt so much he had to hold back his incoming tears.
Mochidzuki sighed, "You don't have to worry; I did tell you that I wouldn't blackmail you again. So rest assure that your family is fine."
Kyou wanted to say that it wasn't the problem. In the middle of the way, he knew that the treat was only a mere bluff. That Mochidzuki wouldn’t have the heart to really put his family on the street.
"In fact, I'll send you some money as gratitude for your treatment of my phobia."
Those words shook Kyou.
Was it really that all these days they had shared together didn't mean anything to him?
He was just a mere tool to cure his phobia?
And if it weren't any sex, he was nothing to be considered at all?
"I see," he said, feeling disappointed.
Kyou clenched the shirt on his chest hard it wrinkled, and he forced a smile that he was sure it looked so fake; Mochidzuki would recognize it right away.
"But instead of the money, I would like you to grant my selfish request."
"What is it?"
"Can you at least let me kiss you for the last time? Just a simple kiss... nothing more, I promise you!" Kyou quickly added when he saw Mochidzuki’s face grimed, as if he disliked the condition Kyou gave him.
"Tsk! Fine," he agreed halfheartedly.
Kyou reached out to touch Mochidzuki’s face and gave him the gentlest kiss they ever shared; just a simple peck on the lips that last for a little bit over 10 seconds. And for a brief of moment, Kyou hugged the other man so tight, it made him difficult to breathe.
"Hey! You're hurting me!" Mochidzuki protested while pulling away Kyou’s shirt.
Reluctantly, Kyou let go of the other man and apologized.
"Sorry," he said while keeping his head down and hiding his face, putting his shoes back on. "I better get going now. Since I came here everyday, my plants were a little bit neglected and the landlady started to fuss around about it. So... I’m leaving. Bye."
As he saw Kyou's back disappeared behind the door, he knew he would regret what he had done that night.
[To be continued]
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