君と僕の関係
[Kimi to Boku no Kankei]
By Bayou
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Part 5
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Shogo writhed on the bed, slowly opening his eyes and sighed. He was exhausted but sexually satisfied. Though he was still naked, he didn't feel sticky from the leftover cum splattered all over his body. Takashi must had had cleaned him at some point. He shifted his position and found Takashi was lying next to him with several pillows supported his back while he was reading a book with the dim light of the bedside table lamp.
Takashi felt Shogo's movement and turned at him. "Sorry, did I wake you up?" he said, turning the lamp's head downward so Shogo didn't catch the light.
Shogo shook his head weakly, he was still sleepy. "How long have I been out?"
Takashi checked the alarm clock on the bedside table, "A little over 1 a.m., you've been sleeping for 5 hours straight."
Shogo mumbled and rubbed his eyes and made his partner snickered.
"You're too energetic like a wild cat earlier that made you exhausted too soon," Takashi teased.
"Shut up," Shogo punched his partner's arm playfully.
"Now you're being bashful," Takashi teased him again.
"Am not."
"Yes you are. I can see it behind that expressionless face of yours... And now you're pouting," Takashi said, he was almost never failing to guess Shogo's mood behind his plain expressions.
"Am not."
Takashi laughed and snuggled the taller man, playfully bit him all over, and licked his face like an over friendly dog. Forcing Shogo to chuckle when Takashi's wet tongue licked his nose. Shogo loved it when they're being silly like this.
"You laugh only when I do this," said Takashi, rather pouting. "You should laugh more often."
"I can't force myself to laugh just like that."
"Yeah. You're indeed one of a kind," Takashi said.
Shogo missed the meaning since the words had double perception; it meant good or bad of being one of the kinds. He silently sulked.
"But I say, it's better this way since I'm the only one who can see you laugh. It means, I'm special."
Takashi kissed the other man and Shogo tasted a sweet taste of a candy on Takashi's tongue. He's was sucking on lollipop again aftermath, it's pudding flavor this time.
"How about me, Taka-chan?" Shogo asked.
"About you, what?" he asked ignorantly.
Shogo pouted invisibly, "Am I special to you?"
Takashi chuckled, "If you're not, I wouldn't be your best buddy and stay with you for this long."
That wasn't the exact answer Shogo wanted, but at least it was satisfying... for now. He'd try to keep fishing Takashi with his leading questions until he got the answer he wanted.
"How difficult is it, to say 'I love you'?" Shogo sighed, speaking his mind out loud, surprising Kyou who was sitting next to him in the cafeteria.
"Are you feeling out of love, Shinonome-san? Having fight with Kanoe-buchou?" the tall guy asked.
Shogo glanced at Kyou and sighed again. The other boy could tell that he was being depressed.
"No, we're not fighting. Besides, this and that are a very different matter."
Shogo was still trying to cover his relationship with Takashi in the office, though Kyou was already aware that they were an item. He could sense it, since he had a male lover too. But since Shogo didn't want to be honest, he just pretended he didn't know anything.
"Rii~ght," Kyou said with bored look. He definitely didn't buy Shogo's diversion.
Shogo felt a bit awkward by Kyou's reaction, he felt as if the boy could read behind his stoic face.
"I say it every day and every time I had the chance, Shinonome-san," Kyou opened the conversation again.
"Huh??"
"The 'love' word," Kyou reminded him.
"Ah... Err... you say that to your lover all the time?"
"Yap!" Kyou grinned, his slanted eyes turned into a straight line as he smiled, and he looked very happy, "To put our feelings into words are very important. Though there are other circumstances where some people who are being together for so long and everything feel so natural for them, and words don't matter anymore because they already understand each other."
Kyou was putting Shogo and Takashi's relationship in a vague example, hoping that Shogo would understand what he was trying to say.
But Shogo seemed to think quite hard about it, made Kyou thought he was over thinking about their relationship.
"My lover is a bit insecure about our relationship," Kyou talked again, "So, I tell them I love them all the time."
Shogo's expression didn't change, but Kyou could tell by his gesture that he was troubled; he put his fist over his mouth and bit his lower lip.
"Do you feel insecure about your relationship too, Shinonome-san?"
Shogo hung his head, staring at his half eaten kitsune udon.
"Yeah," he said.
"Why don't you say it yourself?"
"Huh?!" Shogo was surprised by the idea.
"Yeah. Instead of waiting your partner to say it, why don't you say you love them yourself?"
"But that..."
"Would ruin your relationship because you don't know what he thinks, right?" Kyou cut into Shogo's words.
Shogo nodded.
"How do you know that?" Kyou asked.
Shogo's hand twitched.
"How do you know that for sure?" Kyou repeated, "At first, I was like that too. Afraid to tell my lover that I love them, afraid that it would ruin our relationship. Understanding each other are enough at some points, but sometimes, you have to put your feelings into words to make the other party know how you feel."
"But it's been over 10 years..."
Shogo didn't mean those words to slip. He clasped his mouth with his hand.
But Kyou acted like it was nothing, he pretended that he didn't know this 'other person' Shogo meant.
"Time doesn't matter," he encouraged him, "If you don't say it soon, it'll be another 10 years passed. And everything just keeps repeating itself all over again. Do you want to torture yourself for another 10 years? If it was me... I don't..."
Kyou picked up his finished lunch tray and stood up.
"Your udon is getting soggy, Shinonome-san,"he said, "I'm going first. I still have work to do."
The boy patted Shogo's shoulder—encouraging him—and left.
Shogo still hung his head and stared blankly at his lunch. And after few minutes later, he stood up with a determined look on his face.
[To be continued]
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